You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
