Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
