btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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