We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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