Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Randomize
