Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
