ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
