i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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