Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I cut my penus on the lid.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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