You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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