Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
