two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dear god my vagina.
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