I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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