I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
