Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
