When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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