problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
