He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
