just tell him i said nine months
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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