Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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