Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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