I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
