just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
jump out the window naked night went bad
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