What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
