So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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