you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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