Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
