and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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