that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
