Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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