The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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