She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
even my farts smell like vagina
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
