last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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