Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
