it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
