Will you blow on my dice?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
