Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
