i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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