I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
