I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
