She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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