Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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