He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
