There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just pee around me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
