can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
