it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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