just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
