we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
