So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
