just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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