Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
