I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
