Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
