I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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