This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
