she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
