bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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