There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
