I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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