I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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