I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
