You smell like stripper and shame
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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