it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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