i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
