Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
