he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
