new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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