9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
