So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
