just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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