Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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