I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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