I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
